When I enrolled in the Computer Engineering department in Eskisehir in 2015, I embarked on a new journey, hoping that I had broken my unlucky fate and that my life would get much better. It would be my first time living away from my family in another city, and I was quite excited. I started living in a state dormitory in a city I didn't know at all, with two people I had never met. I maintained the excitement of going to university and building my life for a very long time.
I had always loved computers too. When I was still in elementary school, I would go down to the basement of our house, grab the keyboard my father had brought from one of his workplaces, and type things. Even though the keyboard wasn't connected to any computer, touching it always made me happy. I would usually type my name and school number, I never forget.
I think we got a computer at home during middle school. Those who know Izmir will know - we went to Cankaya and bought an assembled computer. It had a 250 GB hard drive, that's stuck in my memory. We also got a 17-inch monitor, plasma too. I say plasma, but honestly I don't know what kind of screen it was - it wasn't a CRT monitor, that's for sure. If it wasn't CRT, it was plasma in my world.
My relationship with computers actually started around that time. I wasn't one of those very curious kids who loved solving puzzles, tinkered with everything they owned, and tried to understand how things worked. So I used the computer for one purpose only: playing games. Need for Speed, FIFA, Re-Volt... I played these. My friend had PES 6, I could never install it actually, I remember. I'm not entirely sure, but Facebook games were becoming very popular around that time too, and I got quite involved with them. Long story short, I was a pretty ordinary kid :)
There weren't good schools in my neighborhood, and honestly, I can't say the elementary school I attended was very good either. But I was always a successful student. In 4th grade, I earned the right to attend a free test prep center by succeeding in an exam. When we went to get the results, I never forget the sad yet proud look on my mother's face. Even now, as I write these lines, it appeared very clearly in front of my eyes and made me feel good. This was actually one of the factors that allowed me to get a somewhat better education, and I continued this "success" afterwards. I was never an "elite" person, but considering the environment I grew up in and the standards I lived with, I can say to myself, "But you still progressed well."
This situation continued until the end of high school. My relationship with computers also started to evolve over time. During my middle school years, I discovered MyBB forum sites and started spending time on forums. Then the question "How do they make these forum sites?" appeared in my mind. I started working on it, but as I said, I had no knowledge. There was a MyBB support site; they produced Turkish content and explained how to install it. You download and install FileZilla, transfer the files, drag and drop, and it's done. But there was a problem: I needed to get hosting. What hosting meant, I had no idea. I spent hours, days, weeks trying to figure it out. Because I needed to pay for hosting, and I was only trying to solve this for free. At that time, there was something called tr.gg (I just checked, I think they're still active). I remember trying to do something with them, but I'm not sure if I was able to install MyBB there. I remember asking "How can I do this?" on forums. Then somehow I found a free hosting service and created my MyBB forum site on a strange domain. The site's content wasn't entirely clear, I was creating forum topics as I pleased and writing things. Of course, not many people visited the site, but I was having fun by myself. The pleasure of being able to do it pulled me in. After that, I kept setting up and taking down such forums. I was constantly trying MyBB themes. I tried to make money by adding ads from sites with weird ad networks to these forum sites. I earned small amounts once or twice, but let me put it this way: it wasn't even 1 lira. I think I even got that by clicking on the ads myself.
I didn't stop this site-making thing. At one point, we moved from the house we were living in to a different house, TOKI apartments. We were living in an apartment building for the first time; there were building announcements, dues lists being posted. I wanted to create a site where these announcements could be published and where the lists would be. I had created a forum site for the apartment building! :D But of course, nobody in the building used it, I did it just for myself. I had added confetti, red information banners and everything.
Anyway, I had moved on to high school. I was going to an average high school, it wasn't bad. It was in a not-bad neighborhood of Izmir: Hatay. Since I wasn't someone who got out of where I lived very much, going to Hatay and studying with people living in that area made me feel a bit "inferior." At that age, economic differences made me feel psychologically bad.
As time passed, I started adapting to my environment. I wasn't very talkative in the beginning, but I've always been quick-witted. Later, I developed my expression skills a bit more. I wanted to do this website building thing properly with a ".com" domain. Together with two friends, we set up frmmaster.com. I was working on it day and night, I was having incredible fun.
A message we posted from the Frmmaster Facebook account
Ahaha, incredible times... I bought the domain with my father's card, our hosting was paid. This site grew quite a lot. My days and nights were about doing something on this site; I was constantly installing plugins, trying to bring the reputation system to life. I was trying to get other members to be active on the forum too. Then things opened up.
I found an image like this from Web Archive. Beyond this, it had progressed even further. The number of members had increased quite a bit.
We had started getting ads on the site. While researching "How can we get ads?", I discovered webmaster forums and R10. I met some people who wanted to advertise there, we were earning 3-5 lira per month. I think I was able to earn enough to pay for the hosting and buy myself a toast. After that, we sold this site to a company called Ayvaz Hosting, we sold it for 200 lira. I, who didn't know what hosting was, sold the site to a hosting company; it was a bit ironic.
Now this had become an endless passion for me. I set up much bigger forum sites. One of the friends I founded frmmaster with became my closest friend, together we set up a forum site that 10,000 people visited daily. At another time, we set up a site where my uncle and cousin were economic sponsors and we invested in SEO. Our SEO guy turned out to be a scammer. We were scammed 1500 lira at that time, I was losing sleep. Going back and forth, I got deeply into these things. What times they were, just remembering now made me feel strange.
These things went on and on, I learned WordPress and such. I never wrote code, but at least I was installing things from FTP and doing SEO work. I never forget: I would go to MediaMarkt, enter my own site from all the display devices, sign up, and leave comments for SEO purposes. As an output of all this, when the university exam results were announced, I wrote Computer Engineering for all my preferences.
As a result, I started the university I mentioned at the beginning of my article. I didn't have a university life full of successes, but I always enjoyed the courses where we coded. Generally, those were the courses I was most successful in too. We started learning C, C++, it was incredible fun for me to learn these. The time I spent making asterisks (*) on the terminal, the times I tried to learn what an algorithm was, were quite enjoyable. I loved Operating Systems and Data Structures courses, those were the most educational courses I found. My favorite topic was "pointers." Not because I understood them very well or was very successful, but I loved the feeling of playing with the computer's RAM.
During university, I continued making websites, I was reaching many more users compared to before and could earn enough to actually benefit my economy. But unfortunately, I never thought of coding these websites; which is actually very strange when I look at it now. Because I was already learning programming, for some reason I never drifted to the "how do I program a site?" point. I always progressed through ready-made systems, I usually used WordPress. It's one of my regrets; even though the environment was very suitable, I never started on the path to becoming a web developer. I always got stuck on the programming languages and courses at school.
I didn't really have a very successful academic life anyway, it was quite the opposite. Until senior year, except for a few courses, I can't say I was a very good student.
However, my university period brought another very important gain to my life. Every summer, I worked in the accounting department of a "Beach Club" in Cesme. Through my cousin's connection, I had gone to work the summer before I started university. Here I faced many situations I had never experienced in life. I had quite a few experiences where I had to express myself, faced problems alone, and needed to manage human relationships. These experiences gave me a lot in the continuation of my life. I was selling tickets to incoming customers at the entrance of this establishment during the day. Here, customers would occasionally express their dissatisfaction for various reasons. I would somehow manage these situations and try to provide the highest possible satisfaction. Also, there was restaurant service in the evenings, at those times I was at the cash register taking bills from the waiters. Many times I had to solve bill problems arising from various errors. From time to time I had to discuss these problems with other employees, and from time to time with my "superiors" and explain the situations.
My desk at the place I worked, I was entering invoices into the computer
These experiences are very useful in the communication I try to establish with my colleagues, managers, and other friends I try to help during this period when I work as a developer. I think I laid the foundations of my self-expression skills here. I owe the 5-year summer working period I spent here for being able to overcome the difficulties I experienced and the situations I thought were unsolvable. I will also try to use these gains while sharing my experiences and learnings with you on this site where you are reading this article today.
So why am I writing such an article today, or where did the need for such a "Digital Garden" arise?
In 2019, towards the end of the school period, I went on Erasmus. It was a risky decision because there were courses I needed to take. In that final year when many senior students usually found internships etc. and started working immediately, I had gone on Erasmus. What a great choice it turned out to be, I don't regret it at all. The Erasmus period was quite an entertaining, adventurous experience. Like a fairy tale, I spent my time unaware of life's realities and future difficulties. But Covid happened, I returned from Erasmus. We were in quarantine at home. I had no money, I had no plan, my school was extending; as you can understand, the situation wasn't bright at all. With my last money, I assembled a computer case. Since I didn't have enough money for a monitor, I connected it to the TV in the living room for a while.
he computer case I assembled after Erasmus and the training I watched from Udemy on the TV in the living room
For about 9 months, my days and nights were about working. I was occasionally taking small jobs, making pocket money. Even when I went to bed at night, I watched software-related things on my phone. I was a permanent customer of Udemy. I consumed 40-50-60 hour trainings. I had an incredible motivation from producing and learning. School had gone remote due to the pandemic, so I was devoting all my time to software. Looking back today, I look at my dedication at that time with envy. Right now I'm doing forty somersaults to approach that, actually the main reason I'm writing these lines today is exactly this. I'm touching on the details below anyway.
Anyway, as a result of a bit of freelancing, a lot of working extending from early 2020 to late 2020 - luck was also on my side, the industry was looking for a lot of developers - I set out to look for a job. I was very ready, my mind was very clear, my eagerness to learn was very high, I was very brave and eager to take responsibility. At that time, there wasn't much remote work I think, I was applying to companies in Izmir. Many companies I applied to didn't respond, but I got way more responses than I expected. During this time, I had participated in Bootcamps, I also interviewed with companies from there. I was eliminated technically at some of the companies I interviewed with, I couldn't express myself at some, and at some I expressed myself too much :) Until I went to an office of a company and had an interview... The moment I went and entered the interview, I knew I had landed the job.
My emotions were indescribable. I had conducted the interview on the 27th floor of a skyscraper that reached the clouds. That environment, that atmosphere had affected me so much that right after the interview I called my mom and talked about the chairs in the office and the view of the office for minutes. I had succeeded, I knew it. An indescribable happiness inside me made me shout out loud while walking on the street, "Well done Orhan," "This is it!" I called Batuhan. Batuhan is a very close friend from Erasmus, he also watched Udemy courses with me during this process, we supported each other. He was always one of the forces behind me. I was very proud, I walked to the metro in tears. I know this isn't a success story like a young engineer getting a job at Google, it's just a getting-a-job story that everyone experiences. But for me, its meaning was much more than that. At that first workplace, I would go to work 1 hour before the shift, I would work at the office for at least two more hours after the shift ended. Being in the office made me feel very good. Those beautiful furniture, the refrigerator full of soft drinks inside, PlayStation, the view... It made me feel accomplished. Salary and stuff didn't matter to me, I was a student anyway and I had entered work through the ISKUR program. My salary was deposited every month, but I never withdrew my salary until I left that job. As I write these lines today, I feel how real that intrinsic motivation in the "Drive" book sitting next to my desk right now is.
That job added such beautiful things to my life... The friends I met there became my close friends. Three years ago, two members of the group got married and I was the witness at the wedding. This year we're marrying two more people. Each of them added so much to my life, I love them all.
The story after this progressed quite interestingly. I changed jobs, I did better things in my career. I worked at companies of different scales, attended trainings, built a network. I met people who made me love software, became friends with some of them. I even had the opportunity to work with some of them. Eser Ozvataf was one of the people I followed fondly while learning software. We became friends, we worked together. Fatih Kadir Akin was always someone I admired, we work at the same company now. Lemi Orhan was also a name I really liked and took as an example, we also developed an acquaintance and conversations with him. In short, I both expanded my network in the industry and continued to progress in my career. I started participating as a speaker at events I attended to learn new things, meet different people, and develop myself. I received positive feedback about my ability to convey knowledge, I gave online trainings.
If it sounds like an egotistical narrative when I tell it like this, please don't let it. My aim is not to say "how well I progressed." On the contrary, while all this was happening, I wasn't as passionate as I used to be. I wasn't as hardworking, bold, or brave as I used to be. My openness to innovation was decreasing day by day, the things I needed to learn started to feel like an obstacle rather than a new opportunity.
The comfort of being able to sustain myself economically, the order I created in my life and social circle, and the confidence of being able to run things with idle effort affected my habits and routine life.
Whenever I tried to get my life back in order, I would see it as an obstacle and enter the "numbing" world of social media and avoid the situations I saw as problems. Because the system was progressing, working as much as I did was enough to maintain my comfort zone. Learning new things, developing myself further didn't feel like a need, on the contrary, it started to feel scary. I didn't realize this in one day of course; from time to time this awareness would form and I would immediately try to take big steps. Of course, each one ended in failure.
The time wasted during the day started to bother me more and more. I would give myself orders like "do this, do that." There were so many things I started momentarily and then gave up. I had lost my old muscles. But I wanted to solve this problem. While experiencing these back-and-forths, my military service time had come.
I spent a month away from social media in the military, during this time I read books. I finished the Atomic Habits book in the military. The first thing I tried to do when I returned from the military was to build small habits for myself, to get out of being this planless person who kills their day with social media. A week later, I was back to the old me.
I would think about this issue from time to time and try to take action and leave it half-done every time. I was angry at myself. How could I be so "weak-willed" as an adult, how could I be so "lazy" and "incapable of taking action"? I had an incredible level of attention deficit, it was very hard for me to stay focused on a topic. How could a person say to themselves "I should do this task, I need to open this and read it" and be incapable of doing it?
Wasting time during the day started to get on my nerves. I didn't even have a goal like always doing something useful. Sitting and watching a movie was also a good time for me, but not browsing Twitter while watching a movie. It was very hard for me to do a single action. I must have fallen terribly into the trap of stimuli and I've actually been doing this for years, I realized as I thought about it.
I don't want to see myself as such a person. I never want to be known as "not bad" in my work, in my relationships. I didn't want to waste my potential. One day I suddenly decided and made an appointment with the nearest psychologist. My problem was simple; I couldn't focus, I couldn't make plans, and despite knowing what I needed to do, I wasn't taking action.
I went to the psychologist every week for about two months, I told my problem. I said how much I thought about these issues. They gave me some suggestions. Note-taking, Pomodoro, meditation, trying to stay in the moment, body scanning exercises, and a few more things... Yes, these had made me "better."
But after a while, these also became obstacles I needed to overcome, steps I needed to complete. Another difficulty had appeared in front of me. As I had learned for years, I immediately ran away when I saw difficulty. I stopped going to the psychologist, I returned to my comfort zone shortly after. Ahhh, how beautiful the world was if I didn't think about the problems!
On the evening of November 15, 2025, sitting in the living room with my phone in hand, I started questioning what I was doing with a momentary regret. Did I want to spend my time, my life watching empty Reels or scrolling through Twitter? I knew I had tried many times but couldn't succeed, I kept finding myself in the same place.
A saying I love very much came to my mind: "Better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness." I had to try, because this order wasn't an order I wanted to be in, I could do better. I was using AI like a normal user all along; I would ask things that came to my mind during the day, sometimes I would do things for humor purposes. Besides this, I also did basic level usage for some of my developer work. My ChatGPT paid subscription had expired a while ago. On the night of November 15, with a very sudden decision and anger, I bought a ChatGPT subscription and sent this message. I exaggerated things a bit at that moment but I really felt that way.
I used ChatGPT like a psychologist; I shared my behaviors, feelings, and troubles throughout the day. This was the day my struggle started again. I rolled up my sleeves once again to overcome the situation that bothered me. "What if I fail, what if I draw the same pattern again?" I thought. That's okay, even if I'm going to fail, I want a nicer failure. When I tell my friends, they laugh at me from time to time; that's okay, maybe this time it will be a funnier story.
I continued talking to ChatGPT for a few days. A few days after this event, Gemini's new model came out, I wanted to try it. I already had a subscription there too. I asked ChatGPT to summarize the conversation in detail and gave this summary to Gemini.
Right at that time (I'm changing, you know) Angela Yu, whom I followed very fondly in my early software years, had released the "Succeed in the Age of AI" course. I bought it directly, it was a great coincidence. I promised myself to watch and finish this training without giving up.
Besides this, without looking at anything, I grabbed one of the books from the bookshelf that I had "bought to read but never read." "Let me start reading books," I said, it's classic right...
I started watching the training, meanwhile I talk to Gemini every day. Every day I try to take notes big and small and try to read books.
My daily notes
I know from my previous experiences; if I start something too fast and intensely, I leave it half-done. So I shared these concerns with Gemini. I always looked at Gemini with suspicion, I prevented it from flattering me. I questioned the scientific basis of its suggestions. But I was aware that talking to it really made me feel good.
Angela Yu's training was like fate's irony. Since I bought the training directly, I didn't even look at its content. The training was actually a bit of a motivational and inspirational training. It talked about the importance of sleep, so I tried to track my sleep every day.
My sleep tracking
I've been tracking every day since November 23. I'm not doing anything with this data but I'm tracking it and trying to get good sleep.
I had said I took a book from the bookshelf completely randomly and without looking. That book's name is also "Drive." Look at fate's irony, that book's topic and focus is "Motivation" too.
Okay now, this much can't be a coincidence. From November 23 until today, I read books every day. There were many days when I read 1 page but I read. Sometimes I went to my friends', I stayed at their houses. I was saying "I definitely can't read on those days" but I read. What I mean is, this time things were going differently.
Little by little we've arrived at today.
Today I'm writing this article containing many personal details on this site. If you've read this far, thank you very much first of all. This article is actually a bit of a note to myself and a confrontation with myself. In the past few weeks, one day I was overwhelmed at home and went to a cafe, I started writing this article completely randomly. I thought writing would feel good. The article I started that day ends on December 16. I'm opening this site to regain my love of learning and to share my learning process. It might sound a bit selfish but this site's reason for existence is hoping it will make me feel good. I love sharing and helping others but that's not my starting motivation this time. If I can be an inspiration to some and if some can benefit from my shares here, how happy I would be.